General update

[luzula]

1) One of my oldest friends has a two-year-old kid and is pregnant with a second one. I tried to hang out with her last night, but it was hard. I mean, I do like her kid and am happy to spend time with him as well, and I am glad for her sake. But at that age it is impossible for him to understand the concept "you've spent every day with her while I haven't seen her for three months, could I please get a little uninterrupted time with her?" And soon she will have two small kids and disappear even further into child-rearing land. I miss her. Yes, I am aware that this is probably selfish of me and that she still loves me, but that her time/emotional energy is limited. *sigh*

2) Onwards to geeky things. Apparently I can't resist a challenge and have now decided to participate in a project where you log all species that you see in all organism groups in 2016. This is a lot of work, especially as I have to register them with coordinates online (but luckily I can do that by importing Excel sheets). I think I'll start out by doing a thorough inventory of the small woods close to where I live. I guess the purpose of this is: a) to expand my knowledge, b) to rehearse knowledge that I already have but which is getting rusty, c) to not just look at rare species but also common ones, d) to contribute to science by reporting everything, e) to win by seeing the most species (when a group of friends did this ten years ago I did win \o/). Ha ha, yes, maybe this is what I do instead of having kids. Mileages, they vary. Tally so far: 33 vascular plants, 18 mosses.

Comments

[akamine_chan]

Yes, I am aware that this is probably selfish of me and that she still loves me, but that her time/emotional energy is limited.

No, it's not selfish. But still, hard to deal with.

You are such a geeky biology nerd but that's one of the best things about you. <3

[luzula]

I guess it's a bit different from feeling neglected because a friend has a new shiny relationship, or a demanding new job, in that a child can't actually take care of itself. So I guess that's why I feel selfish for minding her lack of time.

[seascribble]

Hee! I like that you want to win by seeing the most things. (Also, I work with two year olds, and counting animals is way better than childrearing).

[luzula]

Of course I want to win. *g* It wouldn't be half as much fun doing it alone.

[mergatrude]

Having been on the other side of #1, I can attest that it is equally hard as well. And I fought against feeling selfish (and still do), because of cultural expectations that mothers have no life outside their children. So if you can manage it, please try to stay in touch with your friend, even if it's just a quick cup of coffee now and then, or an email with links to something you're both interested in. Non-child-related contact is so important and sustaining.

[luzula]

Thanks from the input from the other side! Huh, I didn't think of the parent feeling selfish for wanting child-free time, but yeah, I can see how that would be a thing. I am definitely going to hold on to her, she's my oldest friend and we've always been close.

[mergatrude]

♥

[princessofgeeks]

About the toddlers -- I so relate.

I hope your friend can get a babysitter sometimes so that you can have adult time. I know it's what you want and I know she would enjoy it.

I lost several childless friends when my kids were small. It's a thing that happens, but it still makes me sad. I wish it could have been different.

[luzula]

Yeah, I hope so too. When her kid was a baby we could just have adult time with him there, but it's more difficult now.

...I should probably just use my words and talk with her about this, and figure out how we can make it work.

[cesperanza]

I've been on both sides of this - I hated when my friends had kids and were constantly distracted when I came to visit, and then I had mine and I hated being the person who was distracted and had to keep interrupting to say, "Sorry, hang on, he's about to put a fork in the light socket" or whatever--in fact, I hated it SO MUCH that I basically stopped hanging out with people who didn't have kids because I was like OMG YOU DO NOT WANT TO SUFFER THIS SHIT and many of my fan and other friends (you know who you are!) were like, no, actually, we like seeing your kid! Some people do like kids! (But I don't despite having one!)

Anyway the good news is that it passes, but you probably have to wait a couple more years. (Sorry?)

[luzula]

I'm divided in my feelings about her kid. I don't want kids myself and I've very little experience with them. So in a way it's interesting to spend time with him just because I have so little experience with kids, and there have been times when I connected with him (such as when he wanted me to read to him). But whenever I wish he was somewhere else so I could spend time with my friend, I feel a little guilty.

I should probably just use my words and talk with her about this, and figure out how we can make it work and what kind of contact she wants and is able to have while she's in this stage of the whole kid thing.

[jesse_the_k]

Speaking of geeky species tallying, do you take a pic and grab the coordinates from there? Or do you a lovely rain proof notebook and a super-fine grid of the area?

This office-supply obsessive wants to know.

[luzula]

I don't have a smartphone, so what I do is use a GPS to give me the coordinates. Then I write them down on a piece of paper together with the species names and whatever else I need, and transfer it to my Excel sheet later.

I do also have a notebook for field notes, but I don't want to clutter it up with all these observations.