A mom quarrel, fun times

[luzula]

Me: You've been criticizing the government for not having stricter rules and not doing enough during the pandemic. But now you yourself are ignoring one of the rules that actually are in place! Why are you doing this?

[She is going back and forth to the family summer place, which is four hours by car, when the recommendation is not to travel farther from home than 1-2 hours by car.]

Her: I can't be expected not to go there! It's my second home!

And then comes: Of course it's easy for YOU not to go there--you only spend a week there every summer.

Which feeds nicely into things she has said before, when she has passively-aggressively guilted me for not spending enough time at our summer place! Thanks a lot. : / Anyway, I quickly opted out of this conversation, but I just felt that my first line was something that needed to be said...

Comments

[seascribble]

This is a very common line from older folks with cottages here in Canada too. :/

[luzula]

Yeah. The whole "rules don't apply to me" thing annoys me...I mean, I usually travel all over Sweden in the summer, but much as I want to, I'm not going to do it until the recommendations change.

[glitteryv]

Oooof, that sucks, Luzula!

I'm forever grateful that my mom's been v. much social distancing/staying at home unless it's for groceries. She was among the first ppl in her area to wear a mask (right around early April?) too.

Unfortch for, well, everyone, there are always ppl who think for--some reason or another--that the social laws or protocols don't concern them? Over here in the US the whole social distancing + wearing face masks have been semi-politicized. In that, there are folks (always those who support the Clown) who have some warped sense of pride in NOT wearing face masks and/or hanging out in large groups.

Like, just last week, there was a group of ppl who showed up at the (closed) courthouse in a city upstate to stage a protest so that gyms can be reopened. They decided to do pushups and jumping jacks on the courthouse steps?

I...don't get it.

[luzula]

Mercifully, there's not much politicization here. I guess it's her hypocritical attitude that annoys me...

[hyarrowen]

Families. *headdesk*

Initially I had some weird reactions to this whole situation which make me cringe a bit looking back. But after a few days I totally got it and am now being Responsible, and all that. I can't see that going on unnecessary half-days journeys is being at all responsible.

Sending you fortitude and patience.

[luzula]

What frustrates me is how it's often impossible for me to talk rationally about some things with my mom, because there's always this whole tangle of submerged previous issues, ready to snag onto the present conversation, from both her side and mine. *sigh* But that's family, I guess (though it only happens with her and not other family members).

I actually had as one of my yearly goals last year to quarrel less with my mom, and try to let things go instead of catching on those snags. I did make good progress on that.

[hurry_sundown]

Ugh. That's not how it works, Luz's mom.

*hugs from a social distance*

[luzula]

I know, arrrrgh. But she's not likely to listen to me. /o\

*hugs back*

[ride_4ever]

I know there is a "summer cottage culture" but I only know of it from the outside. What is this about parental expectations for offspring to spend some certain amount of time there?

[luzula]

I don't know if it's the same in the US? But yeah, there is definitely that expectation. And I do like being there, it's just that I have other stuff I also enjoy!

Sample of parental guilting: "Ida's parents are lucky, unlike some other ones I could mention! SHE spends all summer at their summer place."

[ride_4ever]

I do know of some people here who have a cottage or similar seasonal residence, usually referred to as a "second home," but I have not encountered this parental guilt-trip thing. Also, the people I know go to their second home for months at a time, not driving back and forth repeatedly as you say your mother does.

[chestnut_pod]

Sigh :/

I'm sorry about that! *sends social distance comfort wave*

[luzula]

Thanks for the sympathy! *waves back from safe distance*

[regshoe]

Oh dear, that does sound frustrating :/ There's been a lot of stuff on the news here about people travelling to second homes/holiday places when there are orders not to do that—people thinking the rules don't apply to them does seem to be a pervasive problem...

[luzula]

people thinking the rules don't apply to them does seem to be a pervasive problem...

Indeed. *sigh*

[jesse_the_k]

Sending you strength!

[luzula]

Thank you! Sending the same to you, whatever you might need it for... <3

[petra]

Oh, dear. I hope your mother's choices have mold consequences, if any.

[luzula]

I assume you mean "mild"? And yes, I hope so. What worries me is that perhaps she is representative of a whole lot of other people who are doing the same thing...

[petra]

Oops, yes, that was a typo for "mild."

[mergatrude]

*hugs*

It's so hard. You feel you can't let these ideas/actions go unchallenged, even if they're your parents. But at the same time it opens you up for retaliatory comments. My mum is 89 and doesn't have the best short-term memory, so I tend to direct the conversation away from controversial subjects rather than repeatedly dealing with them.

[luzula]

Thanks! *hugs back*

I feel like you have to choose your battles, and this was something I did want to say, even if I didn't think I would change her mind. But yeah, distraction is definitely a useful tactic I have used!