Living situation woes

[luzula]

I've been living with my parents a lot lately because I have a different tolerance for covid risk than my flatmates. My flatmate N is doing their internship (I suppose is the word?) at a preschool during their preschool teacher training during May, which, lots of risk. And now N has said that they are moving, with their dogs. : ( I knew this would happen sooner or later, because they had told me they were looking for a more dog-friendly neighborhood. It still made me sad.

But I was not prepared for flatmate P moving after the summer as well. He said he wanted a more social living environment, which I'm not sure what to do with. When we have planned social activities in the past, it's always hard to find times when he can schedule something, because he's so busy! So I just feel like, fine, what is wrong with me that you don't want to live with me? Should I feel bad about living with my parents so much during the pandemic, because otherwise it might not have happened? But it's not like anything good would come out of asking him that. Flatmate number four has fairly recently moved in and seems like a good guy, but he was away a lot during the winter and now I'm away a lot, so we don't know each other well. But we've talked about finding new people in the fall.

I feel a bit...abandoned and unmoored, I suppose? : ( Hugs welcome.

I talked with my oldest and best friend, who wants to move back to town eventually, and she told me she would love it if we could find some sort of two-apartment house and live together. She has a husband and small kids. That would certainly be different? I don't want kids myself, but I do crave continuity right now, and it would be great to live close to her. Well, this is just an idle thought right now.

On top of this, my mom was lamenting that my sister and I won't be taking over the summer place after she's gone. Which is of course not decided yet! But my mom is drawing this conclusion because I don't have a driving licence and my sister lives some distance away. Which I guess there is some truth in. Augh, I didn't need that to think about on top of everything else. /o\

Comments

[desireearmfeldt]

The quest for community can be such a moving target... :/

[luzula]

Definitely, especially if you're not going the spouse-and-kids route. I'm 42, and while I'm not averse to a partner if I should happen to meet one, I don't want kids. My current flatmates are 25, 30 and 30 respectively, and while I don't feel the age gap or anything, it's hard to find continuity, because the chance that they're only staying a few years is pretty high. : (

[ride_4ever]

Yep, time for a hug alright. *hugs*

[luzula]

Much appreciated! *hugs back*

[ride_4ever]

And that hug was sent by taking a tiny break from the wing!fic I'm writing for the new DW comm "due South Summer Swap*.

[luzula]

Aww, I have a soft spot for wingfic! I wish it would come into fashion again.

[ride_4ever]

Yeah, same here. I frequently reread the fic on mergatrude's dS wing!fic list.,

[naraht]

Hugs! The search for community is a difficult one during Covid, particularly if your risk tolerance is (like mine) low. I hope you find an arrangement that suits you.

[luzula]

Yeah. "What's your risk tolerance if there should be a pandemic?" is not really something you asked your potential flatmates before the pandemic came along. And not really something that would've been easy to answer before it happened, for that matter!

Thanks!

[james]

*hug*

[luzula]

Thanks!

[tei]

Ah, I'm sorry. I've had a ton of roomate situations and never found one that was the right amount of "community" for everyone, and I'm sure COVID stuff doesn't help. I hope you find some good people that are in it for longer, eventually!

[luzula]

Thanks! I've had good flatmate situations, but the problem is they don't last. Ah well, it's not like people who base their living situations on romantic partners always achieve stability, either...

[tei]

That’s true!

[jesse_the_k]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Sending hugs and unusual lichens growing behind your apartment building.

[luzula]

Aww, how thoughtful of you! *hugs back*

[princessofgeeks]

I'm sorry about the flatmate chaos.

I am SURE you haven't done a thing wrong! Who knows why people do what they do.

Best of luck to you. I just had to move unexpectedly so I really feel for you.

[luzula]

It's hard not to think about what I possibly could have done wrong, but I'll try my best. Thanks for the reassurance!

So why did you have to move? If you want to tell me, of course.

[princessofgeeks]

I was renting a house and the owner decided to stop being a landlord and to sell the house. I had plenty of notice but I really did not want to have to move.

[luzula]

Oh, that sucks. : ( I've had that happen, too...

[jjhunter]

*offers unhurried hugs that go as long you want them to*

A two-apartment house with your best friend & her family sounds like a rooming situation with roots; I know of some multi-generational co-ops and co-op -adjacent setups where that kind of thing works really well. Or general walking distance proximity can be great too.

[luzula]

Oh, those are the best hugs. <3

I'm enjoying trying the idea out in my head, at least? We'll see how it goes, it's not clear when/if they will be moving.

[nnozomi]

*hugs hugs*
I hope the thing with your friend works out, if you'd like it to. Sorting out living with people in different contexts and with different needs is such a mess in the best of circumstances, never mind now. One thing at a time...

[luzula]

Thanks! *hugs back* Yes, it's hard. One thing at a time, as you say...

[seascribble]

*hug hug* People things are especially hard right now. :( The shared-but-separate housing plan sounds really good; I have been talking about that with a friend back home, but it turned out I was more serious about it than they were, alas.

[luzula]

*returns hug*

People things are especially hard right now. :(

Yep, very true. Sorry your potential housing plan fell through!

[mergatrude]

*hugs*

Your mother loves the drama! *hugs some more*

[luzula]

*hugs back*

First she said that apparently she had got the wrong children! But then later she apologized, so I forgive her.

[chestnut_pod]

*hugs*

COVID makes everything difficult. Wishing you luck in the search.

[luzula]

Thanks! Yes, covid does complicate everything...

[genarti]

*hugs*

All that sounds very stressful! Continuity can be tricky to find; it's such a matter of luck, and so frustrating to chase when you want more of it than has fallen into your lap. (I've been feeling a bit of that myself, lately -- in different ways, but enough that a lot of this post resonates.) All the household upheaval sounds like a lot to add on top of that, too!

[luzula]

Thanks for the hugs! Yes, continuity is hard to find. I guess most people my age are paired up and/or don't want to live in shared households with people who aren't their romantic partner. Which is the living situation I prefer. *sigh*

[oursin]

{{{HUGS}}}

[luzula]

Aww, thanks! A comforting icon, too.

[lyr]

*hugs* That's a lot of unsettling in an already unsettling year. I'm sorry.

[luzula]

Yes, I guess this on top of the pandemic stress is not great. *hugs back*

[baronjanus]

*hugs* and much good luck!

the one who went "I want more social in the days of the plague" really isn't worth the heartache.

[luzula]

Thanks for the hugs and good wishes!

He said that he needed to socialize for his mental health and is not as worried about covid as I am. Ah well.

[baronjanus]

not as worried about covid

I have friends and family like that. "What's a few million dead and many more millions with serious health problems for the rest of their lives? Without a party I will lose my mind" listen I know how bad isolation is for mental health AND YET perchance do acknowledge the plague part... *exhale* *but with a mask on*

ETA: ... and now the government where I live also isn't as worried about covid and is into social events. Sigh

[regshoe]

*hugs*

That must be difficult! I know what you mean about craving continuity. Well, I hope you find a good, more stable arrangement eventually <3

[luzula]

Thanks for the hugs and good wishes!

Yes, it's not easy, especially not when combined with the pandemic. : /

[skygiants]

That sounds so stressful, I'm sorry! I really hope you're able to find a good situation that works for you long-term.

[luzula]

Thanks for the good wishes! I wish this wasn't piled on top of the pandemic. : /

[china_shop]

*belated hugs and hopeful crossed fingers for great new flatmates, easily found*

[luzula]

Much appreciated, thanks! <3