Badly written porn

[luzula]

By link-hopping starting from a post of oursin's (no surprise), I found some terrible porn, which I am now posting for your amusement! It is from the book Memoirs of Rose Bellefille, or, A Delicious Banquet of Amorous Delights! Dedicated to the Goddess of Voluptous Pleasure, and her soul-enamoured votaries (1828).

Here is a quote from an 1885 review of it: "This is an insipid, tiresome book—the language stilted, overloaded and fulsume, frequently interspersed with French words; the narrative monotonous, and lacking interest. [...] The reproduction of a few lines will justify the strictures advanced above. Rosa, dressed in male attire, is eloping with a gentleman from her academy at Hammersmith:

Velocitous as our speed was, we had not proceeded half a mile before—propulsive pruriency stimulating the energy of procreant zeal—the members of inoculative union stood erect in impatient condition for active duty! my inamorato, with one hand thrust into my swelling bosom (in celestial ramble over my bubbies) and with the other, removing le culottin-empéchement, (the close-breeches obstruction,) inserting his finger up the temple-porch prepared the the (sic) venereous agent within for immediate sacrificial offering! placing himself procumbent with his shoulders against the back, and his toes stretched against the front of the chaise, and I putting myself, Buttock over him, in an incubative attitude &c."

Comments

[ride_4ever]

Uhm, did they have bad!fic challenges in the 1800s?

[oursin]

Did they have Google Translate in the 1800s!!!???

[ride_4ever]

*grin*

[luzula]

But surely in that case there would not be a French phrase that the author then felt the need to explain...

Also, I wonder to what the phrase "venereous agent" refers? The vagina?

[oursin]

Nature's own lube, I think?

[luzula]

Ah! That didn't even occur to me.

[luzula]

I suppose it could have been written and published as a joke. One can only hope.

[regshoe]

o_O

That is... such a combination of terrible nineteenth-century prose and terrible porn. Amazing. (?)

[isis]

Haha, my thoughts exactly.

[luzula]

Ha ha, yes. I'm not even sure I understand all of it.

[petra]

You just wrote a novel, so I hope you know this, but you shouldhave no cause to doubt your lack of expertise in English on this score. This book is only in English in the most technical and dated sense, with a bunch of 'I threw roots and affixes together, am I making neologisms yet?' in the way that a kid might mix flour and water and call it bread.

[luzula]

Oh, no worries! I definitely blame the author. : )

When I said I didn't understand it, I mean things like this: is the plural in "the members of inoculative union stood erect in impatient condition for active duty" a mistake, or is the clit also referred to as a "member"? But hmm, the OED does give the definition: "The penis; (in plural) †the male genitals (obsolete). Also (occasionally): †the vagina, the vulva, the female genitals (obsolete)." Interesting.

Also, if we assume that the seats are facing forward, is he...stretched in the air while she's riding him? Who knows.

[tei]

“propulsive pruriency stimulating the energy of procreant zeal” is a clause that can be inserted into any sentence you want and could really only improve it

[luzula]

You're welcome! *g*

[jesse_the_k]

Ha ha ha snorfle /falls off chair.

[antisoppist]

I am reminded of the time nineveh_uk made me translate Finnish Lord Peter Wimsey & Bertie Wooster porn (not together, in competition).

[luzula]

Uh, could you elaborate? I am now picturing the two characters engaged in competitive masturbation.

[antisoppist]

https://antisoppist.dreamwidth.org/91054.html

Bertie Wooster challenges Lord Peter Wimsey to a contest on who can overcome a virgin the quickest. I think the adjudicator is a bishop or something.

The link is to description and analysis and not graphic but I cannot answer to the effect on the brain nevertheless :-) My conclusion is that a Finnish porn writer of the 1970s just chucked in the names of two posh fictional English people that Finns in the 1970s would have heard of with no regard for whether the plot was in character for either of them. *shakes head at lack of standards*

[luzula]

Okay, that sounds absolutely terrible! At least the sample in my post didn't feature anyone being out of character. : )

[chestnut_pod]

"an incubative attitude &c," eh? Nothing like an etcetera to really get the pulse hammering!

[luzula]

Yes, no need to describe the rest, really!

[seascribble]

This is incredible.

[luzula]

Glad to provide! : D

[nnozomi]

Okay, I'm just going to admit that I find " (in celestial ramble over my bubbies)" delightful, although I can do without the rest.

[luzula]

Well, the author's wild stabs might hit on something good once in a while!

[nnozomi]

LOL! I think "wild stabs attempting to hit on something good" is definitely a theme here one way or another. ;)

[feroxargentea]

*amused*

[luzula]

Glad to provide! : )

[jesse_the_k]

ridiculous

Velocitous? Clearly the author had access to a thesaurus.

[luzula]

Or possibly just made words up...

[garonne]

That's hilarious! Surely it has to be written a 19th century troll... If it was indeed deliberately badly written, I bet the author would be tickled pink to know that people were still reviewing and panning it in 1885... and in 2021! :D

[luzula]

Ha ha, if it is a troll that would be hilarious...but I am just not familiar enough with 19th century bad writing to be sure.