My contribution to the C6D Valentine's Day challenge!

[luzula]

Right, I am going to out myself in the C6DVD challenge, since mizface said it was all right (and also to save my recipient the trouble of transcribing, because there was rather a lot of text, and I have it in electronic form anyway). : )

I wrote an exchange of letters between Ray K, Fraser and Ray V. My recipient j_s_cavalcante had requested F/K, and I had an intriguing idea for an F/K fic that also includes a fair amount of Fraser-Vecchio friendship, so I went for it. Thanks to sage for being my muse, to malnpudl for beta reading, and to mizface for organizing the challenge!

Fraser,

I'm putting this where you're gonna find it tomorrow morning, or maybe tonight after I leave. I guess it'll smell like that Oolong tea you love. I know I'm a coward. If I wasn't, I'd tell you about it right out, and I'd tell you the other thing right out, too.

Right, I'm going undercover. That's the first thing. Can't tell you any details, of course, the Feds would have my ass if I did. They're picking me up right after I leave you tonight. The cover story will be that I got a job with the cops in Arizona, since my parents moved back there and I wanted to be close to them. That's as much as I can tell you. I don't know how long it's going to last--maybe just a month or two, maybe half a year. There's no way I can contact you while I'm under, so wish me luck, and don't worry about me. I'll see you on the other side.

So, the other thing. I love you. Not just in a platonic kind of way, either.

God, I feel like I'm putting my heart on a platter here. I don't know when it started. It just crept up on me, you know, and by the time I caught on to it, I was gone. I should've told you, I know I should've told you, but you were my friend, too, and I didn't want to lose that. Which, I know you wouldn't do that to anyone--I know you're openminded--but it can turn a friendship awkward anyway.

But yeah. I should've taken the chance, and now it might be too late. I had to tell you now, in case because it's my last chance in a while.

Ray

***

My most dear, most infuriating Ray,

Yes, I know that I can't send you this, and so this is solely written for my own sake. Some things I don't want to write down even in my journal (I'm fairly sure that my father reads it).

I would have much preferred No, I'm not sure I would have wanted to know this on the evening before you left. To have touched you, kissed you, and then have you leave for an indefinite length of time, and in danger--I'm not sure I could stand it.

Then again, the fault lies with me as much as with you. I never said anything either, although my heart has been yours for a long time. I had reasons, of course, or at least I told myself that I did, but then rationalization has always been a talent of mine.

I'm sure you realize how futile it is to tell me not to worry about you. That, in fact, is what I am going to spend my time doing until you return.

Ray, please return to me. Please.

Yours, with all my heart,
Benton Fraser

***

Dear Ray,

I'm sure I am not supposed to be telling you about this, but I have to tell someone. And who better than you, after all? To come to the point: do you remember a postcard you once sent me? Ray Kowalski sent me a similar one. I don't know where, I don't know how long, and the worst is that he told me not to worry. I could punch him for that, when I'm not longing to track him down and bring him home.

I don't know if I can go through this a second time. I'm not cut out for waiting. Give me something to do, and I will do it, but to patiently wait--no.

But enough of me. How are things with you and Stella?

Yours,
Benton Fraser

***

Benny,

It's a conspiracy, don't you see? Like you having two partners called Ray. Should've known this was coming...

Nah, I'm sorry. Guess I'm trying to cheer you up, but it's falling flat. I'm so sorry--I do know what you're going through, and Kowalski too, God help him.

I'm pretty sure Stella knows. She keeps in touch with Kowalski's mom, you know, and I asked her if his mom was looking forward to him coming to live with them. She didn't say anything, only gave me this look as if to check that I was in on it, then nodded. God, I love her, Benny. She's one smart lady.

So. Are you and him...you know? I mean, I know you're, well, because you told me about it, but I have no clue about him, except that he's been married once, obviously. But Frannie told me you two were practically living in each other's pockets, and I can't help wondering.

Does Frannie know, by the way? She was talking about Ray on the phone, and I wasn't sure what to say.

Hang in there, Benny.

Ray

***

Dear Ray,

I'm bisexual; it's not a dirty word. And no, we are not. At least, not as such--the situation is complicated.

I am, as you say, hanging in there. I've started volunteering at the local soup kitchen; it gives me some satisfaction to do concrete work. And Diefenbaker is a great help, too--we went hiking last weekend, and it was a relief to get outside the city.

I miss you as well as him, and I wish it hadn't been necessary for you to move so far away. I currently have no partner at all, and Inspector Thatcher's replacement does not trust me with anything remotely interesting. I'm considering asking Inspector Thatcher to pull some strings in Ottawa for me--I'm sure she would if I asked her, and it might help.

Yes, Frannie does know, at least the bare bones of the matter, but of course, she knows not to speak of it, as well. She had plenty of practice at that while you were gone.

Yours,
Benton Fraser

***

Benny,

I knew there was something going on! Complicated, huh? Isn't it always?

And no, it's not a dirty word. I didn't mean that. But you've got to understand, I've got years of church conditioning to get over. I'm pretty sure Ma would want to wash out my mouth with soap if I said the word "homosexual" (not entirely sure she'd know what "bisexual" meant, exactly).

No, I really wish you all the luck with Kowalski. God knows you deserve to find some happiness, and if it's with a guy, who am I to judge? Stella and I got married so fast it made my head spin. And yeah, I used to dream about a whirlwind romance like that, but I'm really lucky we didn't divorce again just as fast. We hardly knew each other. But it worked out, it really did, and I want you to be happy, too.

Best,
Ray

***

[sent about two months after the original letter]

Dear Ray,

You might already know this, but Ray is back. He has a gunshot wound in his thigh, but it's not serious. Besides that, he is well, or as well as a man coming out from where he has been can be.

And things are...less complicated.

Yours,
Benton Fraser

***

Benny,

Yeah, I heard he was back. I'm so glad for you both. Tell him he can call me if he needs someone to talk to about where he's been, yeah? I know something about it.

Stella sends her best wishes for you both, too.

Ray

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

Lovely. And my favorite part?
And things are...less complicated.

Yours,
Benton Fraser

Just the right combination of delicacy and wordplay for Benton.

[luzula]

Thank you! And yeah, I do like writing Fraser being understated.