Kids vs not kids

[luzula]

I visited one of my best friends last weekend and spent four days with her and her husband and two children (and also partly with her parents and sister and sister's husband and three children). Whew. It was really good to spend so much time with her--she is my oldest friend and we can talk very frankly with each other. I love her so much. And at the same time it was also overwhelming and at times I wanted to retreat and get some alone time.

I was there for her oldest kid's 4th birthday party. He actually spontaneously hugged me when I got there, which is rare for him. That was nice. Also I liked how the youngest kid, when I took her on a walk in the baby carriage to fall asleep, would start out crying for Mommy, but as soon as I started singing to her (usually starting out with Bread and Roses *g*) she would be all ears and ask for more, and then fall asleep really quickly. Go me. Overall I think I was helpful with housework and kids, or rather I know I was since my friend said so.

I really do appreciate her kids, but also I am just really glad I don't have any of my own, because wow, does it seem to absorb any semblance of alone time or time spent on other pursuits. Er, actually I had a not-quite-nightmare the other day where I was pregnant and couldn't get an abortion. *facepalm*

Also: thought-provoking question from four-year-old kid: Do you like Star Wars? Follow-up question if the answer is yes: Do you like weapons? And if you don't like weapons, why do you like Star Wars? *ponders*

Comments

[seascribble]

I love babies and recently decided to have one. I hope that the people I've seen with their newborns at local breweries mean I can maintain some semblance of at least a few hobbies as a parent.

[luzula]

Yes, I saw that in your journal! All the best wishes with your baby-having plans. : )

[china_shop]

but also I am just really glad I don't have any of my own, because wow, does it seem to absorb any semblance of alone time or time spent on other pursuits.

That's the impression I get as a not-kids-having person too. I'm very grateful for my freedom. :-)

[luzula]

My friend actually said she kind of envied me my freedom, even as she didn't regret having kids. Humans, we can have contradictory feelings. : )

[espresso_addict]

I don't like Star Wars but... fictional violence ≠ real violence? Indulging in a small amount of enjoying fictional violence (or sex, or risk) can help with controlling societally unhelpful drives in real life?

On the kids question, I've long wondered how people with children manage. It seems, as a childless person, that the children completely take over the parents' attention & free time, but that might not be the perspective of a parent.

[luzula]

Yeah, I guess that is part of the answer. In the kid's terms, maybe he likes to play-act that a T-Rex is eating his mom, but he wouldn't want that actually to happen. *g*

But it's a good and important question, I think...

It seems, as a childless person, that the children completely take over the parents' attention & free time, but that might not be the perspective of a parent.

That is actually the perspective of several parents that I've talked with? Especially that time turns into a zero-sum game between the parents--if one gets more, the other gets less, and vice versa. But also that they value their kids so that they don't regret doing it. Of course, I've only talked with a small sample of parents.

[analise010]

...does it seem to absorb any semblance of alone time or time spent on other pursuits.

It's both true and not. I don't have kids, but these little monsters depend on you for EVERYTHING: food, clothes, shelter, emotional support, etc. Doing all of that for someone is very time consuming, but when the monsters are young, it's a little easier to have hobbies. Podfic when they're asleep, write while they play, knit while they watch TV. It's when they get older and you have to run them to soccer camp and sleepovers that it gets overwhelming. IDK. Some people find those sacrifices super rewarding. Some don't. From what I've seen? There's always wine. :)

[luzula]

It's really hard for me to actually imagine what it would be like? I mean, I can spend a few days with a friend with kids and experience what their schedule is like, but I don't think it actually tells me what it's like. Because a) I don't have the same feelings about the kid that they do, and b) for me it's temporary and I can go away whenever I like, and they do it day in and day out.

[blnchflr]

Apparently the older I get, the more I love holding babies. I'm really into it by now. But I still also love handing them back to their parents.

[luzula]

Hee. I'm not into holding random babies, but when I've gotten to know them and when I know their parents, I do enjoy it.

[blnchflr]

I'm even into random babies now, which is a contrast to when I hated all babies :)