![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
luzulaTitle: A Better Compromise
Fandom: Star Wars, Rogue One
Pairing: Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook
Rating: PG
Length: 1,450 words
AO3 tags: Missing Scene, Comrades In Arms, Flirting
Summary: A conversation in the night, in a crammed hold on the way to Scarif.
Notes: Well hey, I wrote more Star Wars fic. \o/
Bodhi leaned back against the wall of the ship, feeling the comforting deep hum of the machinery. They were all crammed into a hold that was too small for them, and had had to settle all over the floor. Funny how quickly personal boundaries shrank and how they were shaped by the available space--Bodhi's legs against a pack that someone else was using as a pillow, Cassian's arm almost-but-not-quite touching him as he leaned into the wall next to him.
Bodhi had piloted for a few hours, and then one of the others had spelled him so he could rest. When he'd come into the hold, Cassian had scooted over and made room for him, with a tiny smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
They'd all made what plans they could. Some of them were sleeping, now, and some were talking in low voices. The man on Bodhi's other side was taking his weapon apart and cleaning it, the motions speaking of long familiarity. Chirrut's eyes were closed, and his lips were moving, with Baze sitting impassive close beside him. Jyn was sitting opposite Bodhi, and he nodded at her, smiling. She smiled back, that fire in her eyes a little damped, now, but she still looked determined.
"I can't believe I'm here," Bodhi said, mostly to himself.
"What, crammed into a spaceship on what might be a suicide mission?" Cassian replied, his voice dry.
Bodhi snorted. "No. Well, yes, that too. But just...being with other people who--being with the Rebellion." He made a gesture, trying to take in what he couldn't put into words.
"Why did you join the Rebellion?" Cassian asked. "If you want to tell me, of course. I don't want to drag it out of you."
Bodhi appreciated the sentiment, considering. "No, it's fine. I want to tell you." But he paused, trying to figure out how to begin. "I'm from Jedha. You probably know that. And I went to the Imperial Academy. You probably know that too."
Bodhi stopped, considering the difficulties of telling a story to a spy who had probably already been briefed on everything Rebellion intelligence had on him.
"I am a spy, yes," Cassian said, making Bodhi wonder if he could read minds, too. But no, that was a perfectly reasonable inference. "But I wasn't asking for professional reasons."
That gave Bodhi a warm little glow in his chest. Well, maybe he could tell the story differently. "It seemed like a good idea at the time--going to the Academy. On Jedha--well, probably on many worlds--the Empire was there, you had to relate to it somehow, it could punish or reward you, but there was always that underground there as well, the resentment of it. Going to the Academy meant my family could live much better, I could help them. I had a brother who needed medicines, and my sister had two kids."
Cassian made an encouraging noise like he was listening, just audible over the humming of the ship.
"And then of course I was a teenager, I thought it sounded cool to be a fighter pilot, not that I made it that far. I wanted to impress the other guys. It wasn't that long ago but I think back on that kid that I was and, well...I didn't have the first idea." Wanting to go into danger like that--he was doing it now, of course, but it wasn't because he wanted danger. It was because he couldn't in conscience do anything else. Bodhi felt his hands trembling, and put them between his knees so it wouldn't show.
"So the people who were against the Empire--how did they react?" Cassian asked.
"Some of them stopped talking to me. But there were others like me, who worked within the Empire because they were pragmatic, but actually they hated it. I wasn't very political at first, but I got drawn into it. There are signs that we know each other by, things that don't mean anything if you don't know what they are and if you aren't from Jedha."
"Speaking as a professional this time, I hope you'll teach me those signs," Cassian said.
Bodhi laughed. "Sure. I'd love to."
They were speaking in low voices, just loud enough to be heard. It was a strangely intimate feeling, sitting like this surrounded by their comrades-in-arms and yet in a private bubble of their own. Bodhi could just see Cassian's face, silhouetted against the light, when he turned his head.
"When I saw Galen using one of those signs--" Bodhi continued.
"So that's how you made contact."
"Yeah. I don't know how he learned it. Or maybe it wasn't as specific to Jedha as I thought. I mean, I'm not a professional. Not a professional spy, anyway," Bodhi said.
Cassian snorted, sounding amused. He shifted position a little, and ended up with his shoulder touching Bodhi's. Bodhi finally realized that they were flirting. Huh. He always had been a little slow on the uptake. Bodhi looked to the side, and caught Cassian's eye. He was smiling a little.
"Anyway. I almost betrayed myself, I was so surprised." Bodhi paused, thinking back over their furtive interactions, over years. "I admired him so much," he said. "To do what he did, in the place where he was..."
They fell silent. Bodhi felt Cassian's body move as he breathed. Funny how it was all mixed up, that tingling joy of connecting with someone new, and the grief for Galen. Life was confusing. And he was fiercely glad as long as he was still alive to live it.
"I'm sorry," Cassian said. He moved his hand the small distance to hold Bodhi's, and Bodhi's heart jumped. He squeezed back, then released Cassian's hand, feeling too exposed to be holding it for long.
"Yeah," Bodhi said. They were silent for a space. "I'm doing this for Galen. I'm doing this for Jedha City. Those fuckers, they destroyed--" This time he was the one to take Cassian's hand and hold on to it hard.
"I know how it feels," Cassian said. He gentled the touch, intertwined their fingers, and Bodhi shivered.
Across the dim room, most people were sleeping now. Baze was watching them, though, a small smile on his face. When he saw Bodhi looking at him, he blinked one eye slowly. Bodhi felt a flush heating his face. Baze's smile broadened just a bit, but it was a kind smile.
Well, who cared what anyone saw. At that moment Bodhi loved everyone in this crammed hold anyway. So the Rebellion wasn't perfect--he knew that. Cassian had been ordered to shoot Galen, and he'd almost done it. But he hadn't, at the last.
Bodhi knew compromise, and he'd lived it most of his life. And if the Rebellion was a compromise too, it was a hell of a lot better one than living under the Empire.
"Hey," Cassian said, and brushed away Bodhi's tears with the back of his hand.
"Sorry, I--"
Cassian raised his eyebrows a little, and Bodhi realized the absurdity of his apology. "No, it's just--" He tried to tell Cassian all the things he was thinking, as if it was ever possible to put it all into words. Tell him that it wasn't only grief, that it was joy too.
"Sorry, I'm babbling," he said finally.
Cassian had been listening to him quietly, now he shook his head. "Don't apologize for this. Don't."
"Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful voice?" Bodhi said. As long as he was babbling already. He was good at that.
Cassian looked briefly gobsmacked, but quickly regained control. "No. Not that I can remember."
"Well, now you know."
Cassian raised his eyebrows, looking faintly disbelieving, but only said, "Thanks."
Bodhi grinned. "That's right, take the compliment and don't protest." He thought Cassian probably needed more compliments. That was okay, Bodhi could fix that.
Cassian smiled at him, shaking his head. "We should sleep. I think we're both overtired."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry for keeping you awake."
Cassian huffed out a breath. "Now what did I say about apologizing?"
"Yeah, yeah." Bodhi leaned over to root around in his pack, then made a pillow by folding a sweater, and Cassian did the same. There wasn't space to stretch out on the floor, but the wall leaned a little backwards, and he'd slept in worse places.
They settled down again shoulder to shoulder. "Good night," Cassian murmured.
"Good night." Bodhi felt the warmth all along his side where they touched.
And so they slept, two men side by side in a crammed hold, in a stolen Imperial spaceship, racing toward Scarif.
Fandom: Star Wars, Rogue One
Pairing: Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook
Rating: PG
Length: 1,450 words
AO3 tags: Missing Scene, Comrades In Arms, Flirting
Summary: A conversation in the night, in a crammed hold on the way to Scarif.
Notes: Well hey, I wrote more Star Wars fic. \o/
Bodhi leaned back against the wall of the ship, feeling the comforting deep hum of the machinery. They were all crammed into a hold that was too small for them, and had had to settle all over the floor. Funny how quickly personal boundaries shrank and how they were shaped by the available space--Bodhi's legs against a pack that someone else was using as a pillow, Cassian's arm almost-but-not-quite touching him as he leaned into the wall next to him.
Bodhi had piloted for a few hours, and then one of the others had spelled him so he could rest. When he'd come into the hold, Cassian had scooted over and made room for him, with a tiny smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
They'd all made what plans they could. Some of them were sleeping, now, and some were talking in low voices. The man on Bodhi's other side was taking his weapon apart and cleaning it, the motions speaking of long familiarity. Chirrut's eyes were closed, and his lips were moving, with Baze sitting impassive close beside him. Jyn was sitting opposite Bodhi, and he nodded at her, smiling. She smiled back, that fire in her eyes a little damped, now, but she still looked determined.
"I can't believe I'm here," Bodhi said, mostly to himself.
"What, crammed into a spaceship on what might be a suicide mission?" Cassian replied, his voice dry.
Bodhi snorted. "No. Well, yes, that too. But just...being with other people who--being with the Rebellion." He made a gesture, trying to take in what he couldn't put into words.
"Why did you join the Rebellion?" Cassian asked. "If you want to tell me, of course. I don't want to drag it out of you."
Bodhi appreciated the sentiment, considering. "No, it's fine. I want to tell you." But he paused, trying to figure out how to begin. "I'm from Jedha. You probably know that. And I went to the Imperial Academy. You probably know that too."
Bodhi stopped, considering the difficulties of telling a story to a spy who had probably already been briefed on everything Rebellion intelligence had on him.
"I am a spy, yes," Cassian said, making Bodhi wonder if he could read minds, too. But no, that was a perfectly reasonable inference. "But I wasn't asking for professional reasons."
That gave Bodhi a warm little glow in his chest. Well, maybe he could tell the story differently. "It seemed like a good idea at the time--going to the Academy. On Jedha--well, probably on many worlds--the Empire was there, you had to relate to it somehow, it could punish or reward you, but there was always that underground there as well, the resentment of it. Going to the Academy meant my family could live much better, I could help them. I had a brother who needed medicines, and my sister had two kids."
Cassian made an encouraging noise like he was listening, just audible over the humming of the ship.
"And then of course I was a teenager, I thought it sounded cool to be a fighter pilot, not that I made it that far. I wanted to impress the other guys. It wasn't that long ago but I think back on that kid that I was and, well...I didn't have the first idea." Wanting to go into danger like that--he was doing it now, of course, but it wasn't because he wanted danger. It was because he couldn't in conscience do anything else. Bodhi felt his hands trembling, and put them between his knees so it wouldn't show.
"So the people who were against the Empire--how did they react?" Cassian asked.
"Some of them stopped talking to me. But there were others like me, who worked within the Empire because they were pragmatic, but actually they hated it. I wasn't very political at first, but I got drawn into it. There are signs that we know each other by, things that don't mean anything if you don't know what they are and if you aren't from Jedha."
"Speaking as a professional this time, I hope you'll teach me those signs," Cassian said.
Bodhi laughed. "Sure. I'd love to."
They were speaking in low voices, just loud enough to be heard. It was a strangely intimate feeling, sitting like this surrounded by their comrades-in-arms and yet in a private bubble of their own. Bodhi could just see Cassian's face, silhouetted against the light, when he turned his head.
"When I saw Galen using one of those signs--" Bodhi continued.
"So that's how you made contact."
"Yeah. I don't know how he learned it. Or maybe it wasn't as specific to Jedha as I thought. I mean, I'm not a professional. Not a professional spy, anyway," Bodhi said.
Cassian snorted, sounding amused. He shifted position a little, and ended up with his shoulder touching Bodhi's. Bodhi finally realized that they were flirting. Huh. He always had been a little slow on the uptake. Bodhi looked to the side, and caught Cassian's eye. He was smiling a little.
"Anyway. I almost betrayed myself, I was so surprised." Bodhi paused, thinking back over their furtive interactions, over years. "I admired him so much," he said. "To do what he did, in the place where he was..."
They fell silent. Bodhi felt Cassian's body move as he breathed. Funny how it was all mixed up, that tingling joy of connecting with someone new, and the grief for Galen. Life was confusing. And he was fiercely glad as long as he was still alive to live it.
"I'm sorry," Cassian said. He moved his hand the small distance to hold Bodhi's, and Bodhi's heart jumped. He squeezed back, then released Cassian's hand, feeling too exposed to be holding it for long.
"Yeah," Bodhi said. They were silent for a space. "I'm doing this for Galen. I'm doing this for Jedha City. Those fuckers, they destroyed--" This time he was the one to take Cassian's hand and hold on to it hard.
"I know how it feels," Cassian said. He gentled the touch, intertwined their fingers, and Bodhi shivered.
Across the dim room, most people were sleeping now. Baze was watching them, though, a small smile on his face. When he saw Bodhi looking at him, he blinked one eye slowly. Bodhi felt a flush heating his face. Baze's smile broadened just a bit, but it was a kind smile.
Well, who cared what anyone saw. At that moment Bodhi loved everyone in this crammed hold anyway. So the Rebellion wasn't perfect--he knew that. Cassian had been ordered to shoot Galen, and he'd almost done it. But he hadn't, at the last.
Bodhi knew compromise, and he'd lived it most of his life. And if the Rebellion was a compromise too, it was a hell of a lot better one than living under the Empire.
"Hey," Cassian said, and brushed away Bodhi's tears with the back of his hand.
"Sorry, I--"
Cassian raised his eyebrows a little, and Bodhi realized the absurdity of his apology. "No, it's just--" He tried to tell Cassian all the things he was thinking, as if it was ever possible to put it all into words. Tell him that it wasn't only grief, that it was joy too.
"Sorry, I'm babbling," he said finally.
Cassian had been listening to him quietly, now he shook his head. "Don't apologize for this. Don't."
"Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful voice?" Bodhi said. As long as he was babbling already. He was good at that.
Cassian looked briefly gobsmacked, but quickly regained control. "No. Not that I can remember."
"Well, now you know."
Cassian raised his eyebrows, looking faintly disbelieving, but only said, "Thanks."
Bodhi grinned. "That's right, take the compliment and don't protest." He thought Cassian probably needed more compliments. That was okay, Bodhi could fix that.
Cassian smiled at him, shaking his head. "We should sleep. I think we're both overtired."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry for keeping you awake."
Cassian huffed out a breath. "Now what did I say about apologizing?"
"Yeah, yeah." Bodhi leaned over to root around in his pack, then made a pillow by folding a sweater, and Cassian did the same. There wasn't space to stretch out on the floor, but the wall leaned a little backwards, and he'd slept in worse places.
They settled down again shoulder to shoulder. "Good night," Cassian murmured.
"Good night." Bodhi felt the warmth all along his side where they touched.
And so they slept, two men side by side in a crammed hold, in a stolen Imperial spaceship, racing toward Scarif.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-02-12 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2018-02-12 11:11 pm (UTC)So much of what's out there is coffeeshop AU or the like, though. I am so not interested in that--I mean, to me the characters are defined by their experiences in the world, and if they work at a coffeeshop instead of fighting a war, well...