Real life update
Aug. 9th, 2012 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
luzulaRight, I figure it's time for a RL update.
1) I am employed again, after my intermittent unemployment. It's not permanent, though--I have full-time university teaching through January, but after that I don't know. My courses seem kind of boring: mostly high-school level math, which I have never actually taught before. Might be a challenge, though, to explain things on a lower level than I'm used to. And then in December I have the same calculus course as I had last year.
2) I have a new roommate! The guy I liked least among the people I share an apartment with moved out, and a dear friend of mine moved in. I am delighted to be living with him. \o/
3) I am now in an open relationship, mostly because of kink mismatch. It's been going well so far (for three months or so), and I don't seem to have any problems with jealousy. It's mostly my boyfriend who's been with someone else (except, y'know, for me making out with fangirls at the spin-the-bottle party at Bitching Party). We'll see what happens.
Relatedly, why is there so little fic with V-type relationships? Almost all the fic with several characters involved in a relationship seems to be triangle-type OT3 fic. Why?
4) There was a weird exhibitionist guy masturbating in the woods that I like to walk in every evening. Arrgh. I wasn't afraid of him or anything, but I do want to be able to walk there without seeing un-asked-for masturbation. And I don't know if I should be afraid. Should I?
5) I finished Jo Walton's Among Others and, predictably, loved it. ♥ Also, I finally caved and ordered Lifelode, even though I had to get it from the US. Next book to read: Rosemary Sutcliff's The Silver Branch.
6) I'm reccing due South at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
crack_van this month, so check out my recs.
7) Augh, my Midsummer fic. *flails* Please remind me to write if you see me on gmail.
1) I am employed again, after my intermittent unemployment. It's not permanent, though--I have full-time university teaching through January, but after that I don't know. My courses seem kind of boring: mostly high-school level math, which I have never actually taught before. Might be a challenge, though, to explain things on a lower level than I'm used to. And then in December I have the same calculus course as I had last year.
2) I have a new roommate! The guy I liked least among the people I share an apartment with moved out, and a dear friend of mine moved in. I am delighted to be living with him. \o/
3) I am now in an open relationship, mostly because of kink mismatch. It's been going well so far (for three months or so), and I don't seem to have any problems with jealousy. It's mostly my boyfriend who's been with someone else (except, y'know, for me making out with fangirls at the spin-the-bottle party at Bitching Party). We'll see what happens.
Relatedly, why is there so little fic with V-type relationships? Almost all the fic with several characters involved in a relationship seems to be triangle-type OT3 fic. Why?
4) There was a weird exhibitionist guy masturbating in the woods that I like to walk in every evening. Arrgh. I wasn't afraid of him or anything, but I do want to be able to walk there without seeing un-asked-for masturbation. And I don't know if I should be afraid. Should I?
5) I finished Jo Walton's Among Others and, predictably, loved it. ♥ Also, I finally caved and ordered Lifelode, even though I had to get it from the US. Next book to read: Rosemary Sutcliff's The Silver Branch.
6) I'm reccing due South at
crack_van this month, so check out my recs. 7) Augh, my Midsummer fic. *flails* Please remind me to write if you see me on gmail.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 07:19 pm (UTC)I lovelovelove v-relationships! I ship them aaaall the time, but yeah- rarely see it in fic.
I have no idea if you should be afraid of the weird exhibitionist (I would be wary, and unlikely to continue walking there) but uhhhh, creepy. :/
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 10:05 am (UTC)I am really irritated by Creepy Guy, because this is the only piece of woods available within close walking distance, and I walk there every evening. Arrrrrgh, he should not be able to chase me away from there!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 07:53 pm (UTC)I've just searched V-type relationship,'cause I'd no idea what that was, and, yeah, that could be fun to write. I too wonder why there isn't more around. Hmmm...
Yay for new room mate! \o/! The proper combination of personalities under one roof makes all the difference in the world, yeah? Yow.
Pssst!
Date: 2012-08-09 11:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 10:21 am (UTC)I too wonder why there isn't more around.
Yeah, it just suddenly struck me. And now I want F/K + K/V, with F and V as close friends. I mean, I see Kowalski as maybe having more energy for relationship stuff than the others, and also he's a bit more high maintenance. Hmmmm. *flutters eyelashes hopefully at you*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 08:49 pm (UTC)also I found a couple more intriguing fic.
I heart due south THIS MUCH.
forgot to add -- I love V fic, too, and there' s only a bit of it, in SG-1. *ponders*
I should add it to my list of things to write.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 04:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 08:55 pm (UTC)There are actually quite a few V relationships in Eot9 fic, I think, because Marcus/Esca and Marcus/Cottia are so much more in the text. (And this is what I wrote!) But I think that most poly fic comes out of a desire to smush all the characters together, and also out of a sense of wanting to give each character his or her due.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 04:07 pm (UTC)And yes, you're right, you wrote Marcus/Esca + Marcus/Cottia, and I did enjoy that fic a lot! I'll look around the fandom for more.
China made a good point in the LJ comments of this post, which was that characters in fic "don't tend to have much of a life outside of their relationships, so it's like they go on hold/into stasis when the others aren't around, which makes a V all about the apex person". Which was interesting, I thought.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 09:43 pm (UTC)Among my RL acquaintainces, vees make non-poly people nervous IRL and that, in turn, makes them hard to write about fictionally. In addition, some people think vees aren't "poly enough," as if by not closing the triangle something is missing. Like, there must be a conflict there. And of course that's not true, and of course this is especially important wrt kinks, but... yeah. That's what I've been running into when it comes to vees, which is unfortunate.
They happen to be my preferred relationship configuration (IRL). It's where I've been for almost a decade. It'd be nice to see it in fiction more often, it really would.
Yay for crack_van! Looking forward to finding new fic thanks to you, thank you :)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-11 08:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 09:47 pm (UTC)I think because fandom is essentially conservative in some ways and also because there's a lot of author-insertion. I think V-type relationship are, in some ways, the scariest types of relationships, because they can lead to a lot of insecurity if you don't feel like you're at the center. Just my suspicion. Also, I think because fandom has a tendency to make Happy Families and to want everyone to live in the same house and have babies and... yeah.
I would not walk there anymore... at least not alone. Sometimes that sort of behavior is just creepy and exhibitionist, but flashing--and particularly this kind of thing--can be gateway behavior into escalation (ie. committing a sex crime).
I haven't read any of those books, so thanks for the recs.
Good luck on Midsummer! I don't even know what you're writing or if I'm supposed to know that. I am so absent lately. :( Still, I look forward to seeing the finished product. (Also, I have been listening to so much podfic while putting Ikea furniture together. So much furniture. Thank you for that, too!)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-11 09:01 pm (UTC)I think because fandom is essentially conservative in some ways and also because there's a lot of author-insertion.
Yeah, there's a way in which that is true...I mean, just the fact that so much fic revolves around Romance and True Love Forever. Hmm.
I would not walk there anymore... at least not alone.
Arrgh, it just makes me angry, because he shouldn't have the power to drive me out of there. But maybe I'll at least keep to the paths and not actually walk into the woods.
I rec pretty much anything Jo Walton has written, actually. She's so good!
Good luck on Midsummer! I don't even know what you're writing or if I'm supposed to know that.
Actually, you're not supposed to know! It's a secret exchange. : )
Also, I am editing together a podfic collaboration right now which I think you might enjoy when it's done. It's had me wading through lots of WWII radio clips to find story-relevant ones, because we're using them as scene-separators (the story is Omphale's "Horseshoes and Hand Grenades").
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-16 12:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-29 11:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 11:57 pm (UTC)I will eagerly check out your DS recs!
♥
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-11 09:03 pm (UTC)♥
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 11:04 am (UTC)Huzzah for no jealousy. Although, why stop at making out *g*
As to Creepy Wanker, could you maybe ask him not to? if you feel safe enough doing that. I did tell one chap once, and he withered up right away and never bothered me again. He didn't feel like a threat, it was just rude of him to make me an unwilling part of his fun, and he knew it.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-15 06:26 pm (UTC)Huzzah for no jealousy. Although, why stop at making out *g*
Heh, we will see what happens.
As to Creepy Wanker, could you maybe ask him not to?
Hmm, that's an idea. I guess it depends, like you say, if I feel safe doing it. Maybe if there are other people nearby.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-11 02:14 am (UTC)I'm with ^^ them ^^ when it comes to the flasher. I know it's totally wrong that you'd have to move instead of him, but even contrarian me would find a new patch of green to stroll in.
Do you know of any good vee-fic (or even good vee writing in the formal publishing world)?
May all your own writing blossom forth like lilacs!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-15 06:37 pm (UTC)Alas, I wish I could come to WisCon, but I can't be traveling all over the world all the time. *sigh*
May all your own writing blossom forth like lilacs!
Thank you! I am finally done with my Midsummer fic now. It is posted, even if I still feel that it is imperfect. Huh, the fic has lilacs blossoming at one point, actually. : )
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-16 12:05 am (UTC)Lifelode is V-fic? Way cool. Our "Beer & Marmalade" reading group needs to read another Jo Walton, and those of us who are poly may find this particularly interesting.
*sigh* indeed. Perhaps you could become an airbender and fly yourself here in zero time?
Looking forward to reading your fic when the curtains are drawn!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-12 04:38 pm (UTC)2) Double yay for roommmates you like!
3) I have noticed this too. All of the poly people I've known in real life are much more likely to be in V-type relationships, or have one main relationship with allowances for random hookups, than to be in an actual committed threesome. And yet, in fic, it's all OT3 all the time. I've read a lot of Josh/Donna/Sam in West Wing and a TON of Doctor/Jack/Rose in Who fandom, but I don't think I've seen any Vs for either of those sets. In fact, Luce and I were talking a while back, bemoaning the lack of V fic for Vampire Diaries, because I'd love to read Damon/Elena and Stephan/Elana, but I really am not interested in the brothers hooking up too. And yet, all the fic out there is Damon/Elana/Stephan.
Maybe it's just that in fandom, everyone knows everyone else. Whereas IRL, you really aren't working with/stuck on a ship with/fighting a war with ALL of the other people you and your partner could conceivably know. I think IRL, the two corners of the V aren't likely to run into one another, like, ever. But since Vecchio and Kowalski work in the same place and have kind of lived each other's lives, it doesn't make sense that Fraser is with them both and they don't hook up too? Or maybe it's all down to the writer's own experience. Like I'm writing Ed/Greg and Ed/Soph for my Flashpoint fic. And I'm pretty sure it will end up being Ed/Greg/Soph at some point, because I personally don't know how to write them as a V without making Soph jealous or Greg sad or Ed guilty, because I don't have personal experience with that kind of relationship. And since all three of them work together, see each other every day, it's easier to imagine the three of them falling in together than it is trying to figure out what Greg says to Soph when they get coffee every morning if they're happily in a V.
4) Ew. Probably you don't need to be afraid of him, because those people aren't usually violent, but part of what gets him going is that he is forcing this on you. So I wouldn't confront him because he'll kind of enjoy it, if that makes sense. But, ew.
6) YAY!
7) *sends good juju your way*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-16 11:59 am (UTC)Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? Maybe it's partly because if someone writes A and B together, and B and C together, and the author loves all three of them and finds them attractive, it's hard to imagine that A and C won't fall for each other, too. Which is not true IRL, of course--love is not a transitive relationship (sorry, my math training is showing--love would be transitive if A loves B and B loves C implies that A loves C). People want to smush all the people they love together. Or maybe it's because they're hard to write without feeling like people are left out.
In fact, Luce and I were talking a while back, bemoaning the lack of V fic for Vampire Diaries, because I'd love to read Damon/Elena and Stephan/Elana, but I really am not interested in the brothers hooking up too. And yet, all the fic out there is Damon/Elana/Stephan.
Huh. It's strange that incest is an easier barrier to get over than to imagine them in a V. I mean, being brothers is a strong relationship anyway, so it's not like anyone is necessarily left out.
Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-27 03:32 pm (UTC)Okay, I wasn't sure if I should comment. Because it's someone I don't know aside from she's read a couple of my fics and liked them, and it's mostly a RL post which is personal, but it's not locked and anyway... The question was an open one... and...
I will try to stick to topic. Offering non-invasive congratulations on employment, roommates, and relationship situation; also offering advice that while you should not be afraid, you should be aware and possibly prepared, regardless of that one creep, because "the woods", or indeed the world, is just a good place to be aware of dangers, sadly :(
And:
Why less V 'ships and more OT3 in which everyone gets along: for the same reason most people 'ship to begin with. Because we don't like seeing the characters alone and sad. Because we want them happy, or happier than in canon anyway, to a degree (*yes, there are much gore and horror and angst out there in fic, but generally, we 'ship for love). While mature people can handle a V-ship perfectly well, our overly-dramatic characters with their oh so complicated lives, you want to see them in a nest of comfort. And if X has bf!A and bf!B, why not have A&B meet and get along? And everyone can live happily ever after. This is not a moral judgement for or against this, by the way. It's just an assumption/opinion on why this is a generally accepted mode in fiction. Because happily ever after.
And why do I bust into someone's personal post with these thoughts? Because I'm currently thinking of at least two 'verses wherein I'm guilty of this, and I'm wondering if the first of them would work better if I stopped trying to make everyone get along in the same way, and let each of the four people communicate with the others sexually in a way that's easier/more IC for them. And the second, well, let's see how that develops, but it would do me good to remember V as an option for happiness, an open possibility, at least. And thank you for this post, because I'm not sure I would have considered it myself; the fairy tale happy end weighs heavily on me ;)
if someone writes A and B together, and B and C together, and the author loves all three of them ... it's hard to imagine that A and C won't fall for each other, too
This. And,
hard to write without feeling like people are left out
EXACTLY this.
Thank you again.
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-27 04:16 pm (UTC)Oh hey, you're the same person who wrote those great HCL fics! And no problem--it was an unlocked post, and I would've locked it if I felt it was too private. Thanks for your good wishes.
Why less V 'ships and more OT3 in which everyone gets along: for the same reason most people 'ship to begin with.
Hmm, yeah. And I think part of this is that fandom often emphasizes romantic/sexual relationships over gen relationships in general, whether those gen relationships be familial relationships or friendships. It's like people just haven't achieved lasting and true closeness until there's sex in the mix. Which is kind of weird--many friendships last longer and can be as close as, or closer than, romantic/sexual relationships.
I figure another thing that leads people to write OT3 rather than V fic is that fandom often assumes everyone is basically bisexual. If, for example, we have A/B and B/C where A is a homosexual man, B is a bisexual man, and C is a heterosexual woman, it would be natural that there's no A/C in the equation, and that A and C could be friends instead.
So what characters/fandoms are you thinking about? Just curious.
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-27 05:11 pm (UTC)On top of that, let's face it, canon is mostly friendship/familial for men. There's rarely the romantic or sexual for them. There is a lot more for het, but even then, in too many examples I can think of, the het seems forced and lacks chemistry, and is only there because the writers thought it had to be. Fanfic allows more balance in all of the above. I think. I want to believe.
(To quote: "There’s no time for romance, we have shit to Avenge" - Scarlett Johansson when asked why there was no romantic subplot in the Avengers; and bless her for that, because that would have been wrong.)
The stuff I'm doing now is Avengersץ The other is a four-way NCIS I'm writing for my partner. The one due South I remember writing was a full threesome, too, though it didn't have the sex taking place in it. But I think maybe in due South it's even touchier than usual, the "no man left behind" sentiment. Because of all the bloody history :)
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 11:03 am (UTC)On top of that, let's face it, canon is mostly friendship/familial for men.
True. Yeah, that's probably why there's so much slash in the first place.
I enjoyed the Avengers movie, and have been listening to a bit of podfic, but I don't really ship anyone, and I'm not really in the fandom. Although since Benton Fraser is my basic character type, I do feel a certain affinity for Steve Rogers.
But I think maybe in due South it's even touchier than usual, the "no man left behind" sentiment. Because of all the bloody history :)
Yeah, that's true. I got in years after the Ray wars, but there's still a bit of tension below the surface. F/K/V probably got started at least partly as a way to heal the breach.
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 12:02 pm (UTC)The Avengers, I was having strange reactions to it. I didn't think I'd write in it at all, but then I suddenly have this one, single, epic story. Somehow. Very odd, very unlike me - I tend towards the "many snippets in a million different ways", or used to.
I think this entry is relevant to your interests: ;)
http://baronjanus.dreamwidth.org/66656.html
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 12:09 pm (UTC)Yeah, all right--I was going by the corner of fandom that I know, which is of course fairly small. Huh, on the AO3 "First Time" has almost exactly the same number of uses as "Established Relationship", although that probably doesn't say much, since people tag very differently.
I think this entry is relevant to your interests: ;)
Ha, yes, I see the relevance!
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 12:32 am (UTC)May I link to this discussion on my DW? It's interesting. Also there will be maybe three people reading it there. I understand if not.
Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 11:12 am (UTC)Re: Thank you for shining a light on this oft-forgotten corner
Date: 2012-08-29 12:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 08:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 09:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-09 09:43 pm (UTC)There's some Peter/Neal plus Peter/Elizabeth stuff in White Collar, but not a huge amount. I think that with most of the triads I write, the characters are more stable as a triangle (in my view), but now I'm wondering if that's partly because fictional characters don't tend to have much of a life outside of their relationships, so it's like they go on hold/into stasis when the others aren't around, which makes a V all about the apex person. Does that make sense?
Now I want to write Peter/Neal and Peter/Elizabeth from Elizabeth's POV. :-)
Good luck with your Midsummer fic!!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-10 09:55 am (UTC)Huh. Yes, that's a really interesting point, and probably explains a lot of it!
And thanks!