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[personal profile] luzula
An eventful week. Last weekend I was with my parents at the family "summer" place, closing it down for winter. We picked chanterelles and harvested two bucketfuls of Jerusalem artichokes, which we had not even set any this year--they just came up from leftover roots in the ground, I guess. Then I spent a few days having food poisoning; I can't recommend it.

And then this weekend I was down to visit my sister's family in Malmö. My two nieces are adorable. ♥ I watched Frozen II with the seven-year-old; she's very affectionate and kisses me and tells me that she loves me. The two-year-old was shy at first, but warmed up after a day. Awww. Also my sister and I got a whole evening singing together, which is rare indeed these days when she has small kids.

Unfortunately I also had a little trouble with my brother-in-law. He and mom had a conflict this summer which I had no part in, although of course there was still emotional labor involved on my part in handling the fall-out. We'd socialized with no problem on Friday and Saturday, but then on Sunday he got mad at me and left the room while we were discussing (of all things) glottal stops? While I'd thought we were just having a friendly discussion. : (

He's a Danish teacher, and told me that glottal stops carry meaning in Danish, as in, there are minimal pairs that only differ by a glottal stop. I didn't know that and thought it was interesting, and said that in Swedish (and English) there's often an initial glottal stop in words that start with a vowel, but it doesn't carry meaning. He did not believe this and apparently thought I was too assertive in trying to convince him it was the case. Also I began to ask him about whether Danish had minimal pairs with an initial glottal stop, and not just at the end which it had sounded like to me in the example he'd given? At which point he was like, what do you mean is it before or after the vowel, it's just part of the vowel? Me: But it's a stop?

Before I left, he came and said basically, "well, maybe I shouldn't have left like that, but you shouldn't have been so assertive; you should be more humble and admit you could be wrong". Ah well. I kept calm while replying to this, and said I was sorry to have upset him and would keep this in mind in future, but that he himself is often assertive in discussions, too. I've genuinely liked him in the past and always got along well with him before, but I guess it's time to be more careful around him. I know he has been struggling with depression, so there could be underlying problems that have nothing to do with me.

Hmm, I now begin to wonder whether the Danish "glottal stop" is actually some sort of semi-occluded sound instead? He was the one who used the English term glottal stop to explain, but OTOH then he later insisted it wasn't localized at one point in time but was drawn-out. Hmmm. Wikipedia supports this notion. I sent him a hopefully conciliatory email saying that this probably explains why we were talking past each other and that I was wrong in my assumption that the Danish sound had to be at the beginning or end of a vowel, but also provided links supporting my claim about glottal stops before initial vowels...I don't know whether this was wise or unwise. Oh well, we will see.

Gah, this is really a tiny quarrel, but these things just take up so much brainspace! I could've spent that time writing, or commenting on the latest FotH read-along post...

(no subject)

Date: 2021-11-15 03:18 pm (UTC)
mific: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mific
Minor as the issue of glottal stops seems (and is!) this has to be about something else entirely. My bet would be a link to the earlier conflict with your mother plus his own issues, such that he's angry about something else and has unexpectedly, and unjustifiably, taken it out on you. I sympathise with it taking up brain-space, and I think it's both trivial and not-trivial. Ultimately, of course it's nonsense and trivial, but that shock of someone unexpectedly turning on you angrily, especially a family member, is very much not trivial and it would shock me too. That feeling of now having to be careful with him, of needing to tiptoe around him in case he bites again, isn't pleasant. Probably better not to engage with him and to let time pass. I hope he gets his own shit together but it would take me quite some time to trust him again and you have every right to be angry yourself about the "too assertive" bullshit. Very gendered, yes.
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